


if i couldn't get love, let me have peace instead

by paradox_n_bedrock



Series: we wear our traumas the way the guillotine wears gravity [3]
Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Church of Lilith, F/F, Haitian Vodou, Implied Lilith/Eve, Vodou, Zelda's PTSD as a secondary character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23146465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradox_n_bedrock/pseuds/paradox_n_bedrock
Summary: As she stopped to rinse her hands at the water pump, the disappearing sun glinted off the glossy hair of a woman standing alone at the edge of the property. Arms crossed, her casual lean against the fence belied the sadness in her face.--The first time Marie has a conversation with Lilith, they discuss Zelda and religion and even Marie has a hard time navigating Lilith's defenses.
Relationships: Marie LaFleur (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina)/Zelda Spellman, Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith & Marie LaFleur (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina), Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith
Series: we wear our traumas the way the guillotine wears gravity [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1663672
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44
Collections: Mambo Marie March





	if i couldn't get love, let me have peace instead

**Author's Note:**

> For Mambo Marie March, Week 2: First Time. I have a lot of concern about Vodou being neglected or misrepresented in the next part, and am apparently still working out my feels about the way Zelda treated Lilith in Part 3. So, I know this is kind of a niche piece, but hopefully people enjoy it. (And, yes, I switched the series and work titles.)

It was deep into the evening, lengthening shadows being cast over the Spellman property. The warm glow of the summer sun was fading as Marie took a meandering route back from the shed Zelda had cleared out for her use. It had been an unexpectedly thoughtful gesture from a woman supposedly so concerned about Vodou in her school. They’d put in sturdy shelves and an altar table she was in the process of dedicating to Ezili Danto, the _lwa_ that had chosen her when she had first been called to serve. 

As she stopped to rinse her hands at the water pump, the disappearing sun glinted off the glossy hair of a woman standing alone at the edge of the property. Arms crossed, her casual lean against the fence belied the sadness in her face. Marie detoured, first to Hilda’s garden, then walking an arc across to her, surprised that she remained, tolerating the approach. As she reached her, much like the first time she’d been in Lilith’s presence, the feeling of her ancient power settled heavy around Marie.

She offered the bloom of flowering vervain she’d picked, unsurprised when Lilith eyed it, and her, with skepticism. “What’s this?”

“I do not make it a habit of approaching a-” She paused. Lilith was not _lwa_ , but she was much more than another witch. “I do not rush into dealing with the unknown without a gift of some kind. It is considered quite rude.”

“I'm not one of your spirits,” Lilith said, echoing her thoughts.

“You are not a figure in my religion at all.”

Lilith smiled, lips closed, and it didn’t reach her eyes in the least. She touched the tiny flowers with sure fingers, carefully avoiding the skin of Marie’s hand, but didn’t accept it. “I know of another woman who would say the same.”

Marie hesitated again, it was rare that she found someone a challenge to read. She hoped she was up to the task. “No matter what she may say, you are central to Zelda’s faith. She will not find it so easy to turn her back on you.”

“I wasn’t referring to her. I was thinking of another Catholic, of sorts. Not one quite like you, of course.” She looked Marie over assessingly. “Though what an interesting statement, since the High Priestess was going to do exactly that, if not for your tempering influence.”

“She has been deeply hurt, I know that is something you understand. But Zelda, she is not ready to admit it. And that is making her short tempered and fearful.” Marie tried to catch her eyes and after a moment, Lilith conceded, giving up the pretense of looking bored against the fence. 

“She thinks I’m weak,” Lilith snapped. “Easily exploited by the Dark Lord and his Kings.”

“ _Non._ Zelda knows exactly how capable you are. She’s been betrayed by her husband, by her church, by the devil, and, yes, by you. She worries that when your goals no longer align, neither will your loyalties.” Marie contemplated how much she should share, how much she could, when it had only been gleaned in pieces, with as much delicacy as pulling glass shards from a wound. “She has spent so much time shoving down her admiration for what you represented to her, since she found out you were present in their lives.”

A stillness took Lilith over, and maybe someone less perceptive would have let it pass unnoticed, but Marie saw how she became a brittle shell to contain her sorrow. “With good reason, I suppose. Do you know, once upon a time, she prayed to me when she was most in need? Centuries ago.”

“That does not surprise me, _ma belle._ ” She was tempted to place a comforting hand on the small woman's shoulder, but held back, knowing it wouldn't be welcome in that moment. “Your story resonates with her greatly, from what little she has said. Don't let her lie to you, or to herself, about how important you are.”

Lilith scoffed. “You know my story, then? Or some corrupted version of it, watered down for witch and mortal ears?”

“I have become familiar with it, though I do not pretend to know it’s truthfulness.”

Lilith turned back to stare up at the Spellman house in the distance, details fading from its dark form in the encroaching gloom, shadows curling around the porch into impenetrable blackness. Marie wondered how full the well of longing in Lilith was, that it could leak out around the edges of her stone mask. 

“I am glad she did not turn you away, for what it is worth.” Marie said gently.

Lilith's gaze became sharp, still fixed on the house across the yard. “Are you? Glad to be sharing her attention? Glad that you're no longer to be her savior with your unending charm and unfamiliar magic?”

“You think I am charming?" Marie laughed. "I was never to be her savior. Maybe her partner, with luck. But yes, I am very glad.”

Lilith didn't respond, but they stood in silence for long minutes. Marie joined her in leaning against the fence, enjoying the rare moment of stillness as crickets started their song. Slowly, the tension inched out of Lilith's frame, though Marie didn't believe for a moment she was truly relaxed.

Eventually, Marie’s curiosity won out, in light of Lilith’s surprising patience for her company. “In Vodou, we believe that Bondye, the creator, does not interfere. He acts through the _lwa_. But your exile, if you would call it that, is proof that he did interfere once.”

The bitter distaste on Lilith’s face was shocking, simply for how animated it suddenly was. Marie supposed it shouldn’t be, knowing any version of her life. When she spoke, her voice was full of venom. “Oh, if only he always had been so hands off. Don’t worry, he’s long since abandoned you."

“I am not questioning my faith. I question how it all fits together,” she replied.

Lilith made a disinterested noise. "Does it bother you, spending so much of your time in a house of witches devoted to decrying his name? The _False God?_ "

“It seems there are other priorities they are much more devoted to. Caring for each other and for their community. These are things I can relate to. Things I wish to help with.”

“But you have your own community, Mambo. You're fooling yourself if you think you can stay here with her forever,” Lilith said pointedly.

This time, Marie looked away, pained. That was a truth she did not want to face. “I want Zelda to have support, when I am not here.”

“And you think _I'll_ be that for her?”

“It may not be easy, but I think you could be that for each other, if you are both willing to try.” Lilith rolled her eyes in response. “She has helped you get your throne back, has she not?”

“As I am helping to return the coven's powers. A neat quid pro quo.” Lilith sighed, deeply weary and it made Marie ache to ease her burdens. If only she had the power to, and if only Lilith would allow it. “Is there something else on your mind, or will you leave me in peace?”

There was, but it wasn't worth upsetting the other witch. Marie smiled softly at her. “I will leave you, if that's what you wish. I only wanted to see that you were alright. My curiosity is secondary, and you have more than indulged me.”

Lilith shifted, unsettled. “Ask your question.”

“If you insist. The Marassa Jumeaux were the creator's first children.” They were twins, the first born and the first to die. Eternal children, known for being troublemakers and ravenous without end.

Tension stiffened her spine and Marie wished she had taken the gift of her company and not asked for more. “I’m hardly a mischievous child, if that’s what you’re implying, and neither was… my _other half_. Besides, he was no brother.” Lilith said scathingly, as if enough anger could cover the pain in her voice. Her hands curled tightly around the top rail of the fence. “Though, if I recall, the interesting part is that they’re also triplets... and the importance you place on a single child, born after twins. Highly revered, aren't they?”

“ _Oui,_ they are seen as very powerful, much more than twins themselves.”

“Not quite a parallel there. Every story since Eve… every story since she accepted my help has painted her as naive and weak, placed the blame for humanity's downfall squarely on her shoulders. No mention of her power or her wisdom.” Marie remained quiet, patiently waiting for Lilith to finish. There was a parallel, if only in how Lilith wished to compare Eve to the _dosa_. “Perhaps your lover fears she will meet the same fate.”

“You know, you never speak her name," mused Marie.

“Names have power, as _you_ well know.”

“And you were denied yours for so long?” Lilith looked furious, anguished at her words, though it was hidden behind heavy lidded eyes. Marie knew fear for the first time in regards to Lilith, though the desire to help her was still greater. “ _Je regrette. J’en ai trop dit…_ I have said too much _._ ”

The sprig of vervain burst into flame in Marie’s hand and she dropped it, stomping out the flame before it set the dry grass ablaze. She knew Lilith was gone before she lifted her head.

She sighed, feeling, not for the first time, as if she were muddling through a play she didn’t have a script for. She knew better than to push for more than someone was able to give, and that went double for anything or anyone more than human.

Perhaps she would set out a more appropriate offering for the Marassa tonight. 


End file.
